Until tomorrow....ha!

I laugh when I read how I finished my last post. I always have these lofty goals and they never quite work out. In all actuality though I should be happy with the fact that I am blogging more than once every three years. Right? Especially considering the fact this has been the weirdest and most difficult time of my life. Anyway, so here is what has been happening the last little bit. Brian and Jadon came for the weekend this last weekend. It was so great to see them. Words fail me when I try to describe or even think how to describe how happy I was to see their faces and feel their hugs. My boy is blooming under the one on one time with his Daddy. He has matured so much! I see so much of Brian's personality wearing off on him and I am proud of who he is becoming. My husband is a good man, and a wise man, and most of all, a man who loves the Lord and seeks Him in all his decisions. I love that about him. This decision for me to stay with Omi until her passing has been so incredibly difficult in so many ways. The right decisions usually are. I thank the Lord daily for all of those who are helping to make this decision possible. My sister and her family just recently committed to overseeing Jadon's home-school and care during the day. I believe Jadon will go over to her house for the first time tomorrow. I am sure Jadon will blossom under her, too. She is a better teacher than me. He is blessed to have her. Their commitment to do this was such an answer to prayer because Brian's family was giving us fits thinking I was shirking my responsibility to my family by staying with my Omi. I can see their point if I look at it through their perspective. I was deeply hurt by the insinuation. But, I ultimately rested in the knowledge that my husband has my back on this and my conscience is clean before the Lord. And, if I had any doubts remaining, Leslie's comment on my facebook status for the weekend confirmed I was where I needed to be. She, of all people, would know what would and would not give a person regrets in this situation. Extended family over here continue to boggle my mind. I just don't get it. Actions and words are not aligning and I feel the deep sense that trust is not something that should be extended too greatly in any situation. I take that as from the Lord and apply it in appropriate measure. And, that is all I will say about that for now. Oh, I guess I will say one more thing, I have been amazed how I will take something to the Lord concerning them or a situation with them and see His hand work. I find it most amusing because they have such a deep hatred of my faith and belief in the Lord. Then, I see Him unfold a situation exactly how I prayed it would go and I chuckle at the fact that the God they despise so greatly worked in their life to accomplish things according to His will through my prayer and I just find it so ironic. I'll admit, my heart is not in the right place when I chuckle. And, I have to ask the Lord's forgiveness in that. I am so glad He is so patient with me. Lastly, yet another day spent yesterday at St. Luke's in Boise. Omi had a CT scan of her chest and pelvis to see if the cancer has spread to other organs or areas and also this will provide the much anticipated staging of her cancer that we have been waiting for. We know, at this point, that she is at least in stage 3. We wait to find out if she is in stage 4. We also had a consultation with a NP and a social worker concerning chemo and Omi's case. It was mildly helpful. They were honest with her that cure was not an option in her case and that perhaps the time she had left, which was relatively short, would be better spent doing the things she loves with family rather than seeing them every week for chemo and being sick. However, they have such a pro-chemo viewpoint that while they said one thing, another came through. I don't know! I am just praying the Lord works in Omi's heart to help her to make the right decision. I certainly hate to think of her suffering unnecessarily with chemo symptoms and I am worried that the chemo alone will kill her or at least make her wish she were dead. We did learn why Omi's eating and digesting of food is making her lose weight despite how much or little we are able to feed her. She lost another almost pound in one week. Apparently, the pancreas not functioning is the root of that problem. She can not absorb the nutrition from the food she does manage to get down. She only will get a small percentage of it. Scary! That and the NP said her GI tract is just slowing down in general. Reminded me of what happened to sweet Donna. That scared me and made me very sad. God's hand is on the timing of all of this. And, I know He continues to work in her heart. Our prayers do not fall on deaf ears. And, I am trusting Him completely!!! Until tomorrow.... :)